first day

Julian's first day of kindergarten went great! He had a fun and busy day, went to a lovely dinner at a friend's house, and ended the evening by waking up at 3:30am and barfing all over himself in our bed. Oh, that last part. That wasn't so great (he was fine as soon as it was over though). But the rest of it was fantastic.



When he walked into his classroom, he signed his name on the sign in sheet and went immediately to a table with several small dry erase boards and markers on it. He's been really into drawing everything he sees and all of his interests lately, so maybe it was his way of easing in. So he set right to work drawing a picture of The Creature from the Black Lagoon.



We stayed for only about 10 minutes, and in that entire time he was solely focused on drawing creature pictures. So Wade and I decided to sneak in a few pictures, and then leave him to enjoy the rest of the day. We said goodbye, and told him that we loved him and hoped he would have a great day. He seemed so chilled out about it all that I didn't feel even a little sad about leaving him. I just wondered what I was going to do with all my time now that he's in school from 8am to 3pm every weekday. Seriously, that's a huge chunk of time. I saw a few teary eyed moms in the hallway, but maybe because I cried so hard when he was 3 and went to preschool, I don't feel so sad about him doing his own thing now. The constant activity of school is going to be so great for him, because he's such a curious person and wants to be learning all the time.
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Once I got back home, I wasted a couple of hours sitting around and feeling barfy. Then I finally made myself get up and bake some gluten-free chocolate cupcakes with vanilla buttercream frosting as a surprise for Julian.



We picked Julian up at 3:00 and brought him home to his cupcake surprise. A very successful first day of school. God, I love that boy.

these days

Tomorrow morning, Julian begins his school career and goes to kindergarten for the first time. Clearly, by the size of his brain, you can tell that he's the smartest kid ever and totally ready to rock it K-style. Also, really nice how PhotoBooth gave me a John McCain cheek. Adorable.



Here we are practicing our chipmunk faces. Actually, mine was a chipmunk and he said that his was a rabbit. We spent a large amount of time today taking silly pictures of ourselves and using google image search to look up pictures from "The Creature From The Black Lagoon" because he's hardcore obsessed with it right now. I don't really know why.

I'm so excited for him to begin "big kid" school and can't believe that he's actually old enough to go. Wasn't he just a tiny baby? How did he get so huge and smart and funny? We've been talking a lot about school lately, and he's really been anticipating going. In fact, all this week, he's been kind of pissed that school hasn't started already. And just like his mother, he insists on learning how to read the very first day at school. My mom told me that when she picked me up from my first day in kindergarten, she asked how my day was. And I said, "I hated it! They didn't teach me how to read!!"

The last couple of days have been pretty good for me in terms of getting out of bed and not lying around all day, feeling like barfing. I still do feel sick, but at least I'm up and doing things. So my plan for tomorrow is to make some gluten-free chocolate cupcakes with vanilla icing and sprinkles for Julian to have when he gets home from his first day at school. We're not huge on sweets at our house, but this is a nice reason to celebrate. I'm planning on posting pictures tomorrow of the day: us dropping him off at his new classroom, me trying to hold it together and not cry, Wade sobbing hysterically in the hallway, and the cupcake finish. All of that will be true except for the sobbing Wade part. Or maybe not. We will see.

In other non-mom related news, I've been wanting to make the look of my blog a little less boring, but don't really have the knowledge needed. Do you all have any recommendations for sites that are helpful in explaining this sort of thing to a web design challenged girl like me?

In true bad segue fashion I will start yet another paragraph now. We watched the documentary "For The Bible Tells Me So" last night, and it broke my heart into a million pieces. It's about how people have used the Bible for centuries to validate their hatred for groups of people - women, black people - and now gay people. And it's just so so sad. Maybe it struck such a chord with me because I was raised in a religion that believed this kind of thing, and I've seen how destructive that mindset is. It's definitely left me scarred, and with a bad taste in my mouth for religion of any kind. As I listened to the stories of these gay people growing up in the church with fear and guilt and shame about who they were, I wanted to shout "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!" Because there isn't. Love is love is love is love. And that's all there is to it. I'm sure I'll get some emails about this, disagreeing with me, or even some hate mail. And that's okay. I'm not expecting to change anyone's mind. I just needed to speak mine.

Now if you will excuse me, this is the time of evening where I barf a little in my mouth and eat Tums, which I found out are gluten-free despite what several celiac message boards said. From now on, I check all the sources myself by calling or emailing the company. And now, on to my Tums.

kindness

A few days ago, I received a package in the mail from Crystal, the author of Sonnet of the Moon. It was a quilt that I had won as a giveaway on her blog, and for days, all of us have been marveling over how gorgeous it is. The colors, the softness of the backing, the fact that something so beautiful was actually made by hand and not in some factory. And the details. I've been staring at the quilting, which is done in squiggly lines (I'm not a quilter, so if there's a real name for this, I'm not aware of it) and I noticed a small heart quilted in. Obviously not a mistake, but rather a hidden surprise. It's truly a beautiful work of art. I actually got dressed today, so Julian and I took some photos with it. This quilt is a permanent piece on my couch, because I am a known blanket snuggler while watching tv.



And then, just as we were finishing our photo shoot for the quilt, today's mail arrived. Among the bills and junk mail was a package from Christine, author of mondeintact. Completely unexpected, and such a happy surprise. I really love getting things in the mail. Christine was so thoughtful and sent me these cloth napkins that she hand made, and matched to the blue colors of my kitchen. Seriously, I am so excited over this. I've been wanting to make some cloth napkins, and even bought some cute fabric, but have just felt too gross to sew anything. And then this lovely treat arrives. Julian did think these were cool, but I definitely instructed him to look "crazy excited." And then he took my picture in the same fashion.




I'm so touched by the generosity of people. I know there are lots of creeps on the internet and it's important to be smart and protect yourself, but the friends I've made on here have been amazing. People who are so great, and who I would have never known if not for the internet. My life is definitely richer because of the connections that have been made just by people inviting me into their lives, by sharing their day to day activities on a blog. Thanks Crystal and Christine.

jabba the hu...hu...huuuurrrrrl

For a week, I really thought I was over the first trimester nausea. I was feeling good (mostly) and was up and moving around.

And then a few days ago, it hit again. And now I feel like this:



Just lying around on my couch, moaning, and having Princess Leia in a gold bikini be my chained slave. Well, not that last one.

There are so many things I want to do before Julian starts kindergarten next week, but probably won't do. I know, I'm growing a person who is currently the size of a fig and that would make anyone feel crappy, but having an existing kid while being pregnant is new to me. I want to spend time with my little boy. All summer, he's been so sad that I haven't been able to really play with him. Enough of this sickness already! I just need to keep reminding myself that this won't last forever, even though it really feels like it right now. And I'm not even able to have all the good anti-sickness pregnancy remedies like saltines, or even TUMS. Do you know what I had to do last night for heartburn because I can't find any gluten-free antacids on the market? I drank a teaspoon of baking soda in some water and it was one of the grossest things I've ever had. But it worked.

So, enough complaining. Because I'm sure you all just love reading long paragraphs where I bitch about how uncomfortable pregnancy is, even though I willingly put myself in this situation. Right. Shutting up.

Have any of you moms (and dads) used cloth diapers with good results? Do you have any brands you think are better than others? I am very seriously considering using cloth diapers with this baby, and want to arm myself with as much knowledge as possible, since there are so many options. The thought of using disposable diapers again for 3 years, and having them end up in a landfill just makes me so sad. I can't do it. Research on the most awesome cloth diaper in existence begins now.

back in action...maybe?

Wow. Lying on the couch for almost two straight months, watching bad daytime television, and trying not to puke really takes a lot out of a person. But you know what? For the last two days, I've felt almost normal. And that makes me so happy. I can't tell you how much it sucks to just be lying around all the time, missing out on the fun summer times Wade and Julian are having together, and not being able to do anything. Along with this crazy guilty feeling I've been having about Wade having to do the work of two parents right now. He cooks all our meals, cleans, takes care of Julian every hour of the day, still goes to the office (and brings Julian) to set things up for the new school year, does all our shopping, takes care of the yard, and all the other stuff he does. I seriously don't know how single parents do it. So I've been feeling really guilty about all of this, and lucky for me, Wade realizes that what I'm feeling is crazy, instead of agreeing with me and being sour about things. He'll say, "You're growing a person. Take it easy."

So I have been taking it easy. And now I'm done with that and ready to get back to all the regular stuff I do like going to the park with Julian, baking cookies, and working on little crafty projects while I watch dvds from Netflix.

Speaking of Netflix, I've been watching old episodes of "Wonder Falls" and it was such a cute show. It was cancelled after the first season. I don't know why the cool stuff always gets the boot (Is anyone else still pissed that "Arrested Development" is gone??!!) and the lame shows stay and even make their way into syndication. "Two and a Half Men" is quite possibly the worst show I've ever seen, but it's on all the effing time. I really don't get it. Are people that dumb that they don't get the jokes on the good shows and have to be entertained by this mindless (and humorless, despite being a sitcom) garbage? At least "Gilmore Girls" was on the air for a good long run and I'll always have it to watch over and over again on dvd.

This is completely unrelated to the last paragraph, and I have no desire to make a decent segue right now, but I ate two crappy salads at a local diner yesterday. The point of that being that I ate salad for the first time in two months yesterday. And I have to tell you, those were the most delicious crappy salads I've ever had. Seriously. I'm actually craving one right now because it was SO nice to be eating vegetables again instead of GF toast or bananas. They were just shredded lettuce, some pale pink tomatoes, shredded carrots, and oil and vinegar. But maaaaaaan, the best salads ever. And now on to another topic, with no graceful transition.

Today I was really angry and short tempered with Julian and I feel really horrible about it. We talked at length and I apologized for my behavior, but I still feel awful. We were at Chipotle because some of Wade's family came into town and we were showing them around and needed to stop for lunch. I was feeling kind of sick, exhausted from the heat, and Julian was not listening or following directions. After several times of telling him to stop what he was doing, I just snapped. I grabbed him by the shoulders, got right down in his face and said, "If you don't fucking stop right now I swear I'm going to beat you" in a really scary voice. For the record, I don't hit my child and it really was just a threat, even though it was an awful and inexcusable one. I'm pretty positive that all the people behind me in line heard me (and there were a lot of them), and Julian was crushed and started crying. And I'm sure they all saw my bag that says "All you need is LOVE" right on the side of it, as they listened to me curse at my kid in public. Let that image sink into your head for a minute, and then please vote for me as mom of the year.