Remember when I said I had just ordered this swimsuit, and was super excited about how it was going to make me a huge milf, and that it would conceal all my wobbly bits that I feel so insecure about?
Well, it came in the mail today. And I was so very excited to try it on. I was even feeling pretty good about my body and not thinking any hateful thoughts about it, and feeling like maybe I'm not so wobbly and crazy looking after all. I even had finished a pretty great workout and was feeling like my muscle tone is slowly but surely coming back. And then I tried it on.
Okay, I am a white girl. I have a white girl butt. I mean, it's not bone thin or anything, but I certainly do not have a juicy booty that is so coveted in our society. But the way this swimsuit was sewn, you would think that I had the badonkadonk-iest bum ever, because it gave me weird butt cleavage. Like, where the elastic line went, it was so tight that my butt squished out of it. My small, flat, white girl butt was too big for this thing. And the chest!! The chest that was supposed to be padded and supported with underwires. Well, it had a thick and tight elastic running across the very top that did this really adorable flattening down of my already really unfortunate and long mom boobs. Hello, bellybutton length nips! Good to show you off!
I don't think I even need to say that ModCloth will be getting a return shipment from me very soon.
Oh, polka dotted milf swimsuit. I had such high hopes for you. And the search continues.